25 Best Shakespearean Insults That Are Better than Swearing

Prepare to lock and load, here are 25 best Shakespearean insults that are better than swearing! Have you ever wanted to insult someone so badly, that a regular swear word just would not to? I do. ALL. THE. TIME. Especially when I’m driving. And, let me tell you, some people really deserve a barrage of eloquent insults. But if you’re like me, in heated moments, eloquence escapes you (eloquence escapes me no matter what I do…but that’s beside the point). Fortunately for us, we have Shakespeare, the master of eloquent insults. Next time a jerk cuts you off in traffic? Shakespeare to the rescue. Your team’s player is simply not playing well enough? Shakespeare can handle that. A politician is pissing you off? Shakespeare would decry, “There’s small choice in rotten apples!” Someone exits? You know the answer. Shake-freaking-speare.

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“I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.”

Shocked faceTimon of Athens (Act 4, Scene 3)

“If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.”

monsterbrideHamlet (Act 3, Scene 1)


“Away, you three-inch fool! “

shortmanThe Taming of the Shrew (Act 3, Scene 3)

“Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!”

Shocked face 2Henry IV Part I (Act 2, Scene 4)


“Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.”

dry brainAs You Like It (Act 2, Scene 7)

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